I haven’t been writing in this journal like I wanted to or planned. Since we moved from NY to Indiana and I changed jobs, many of my priorities have changed, too, and I fear that I have lost or, at the very least, neglected the practice of soaking in the great love of God that has brought me to this point. Instead of spending one or two hours delving into God’s word as I pray to Him and listen for his guidance, it has been cut back to a half-hour or less.
Now I still feel God’s presence, but there is a marked difference in how it is now to how it was before, and I wonder if I will ever get back to that place again, or is this my new life and relationship with God? It isn’t a relationship that makes God my priority but fits God into a window of time.
It’s funny, really. In many ways working for a church has brought me closer to God, in time spent in community at least, but on the other hand, it has also brought me farther away in time spent focused on and soaking in God’s presence. Now I don’t think this is the result or fault of the church, this would have happened with any nine to five job, and I always have the option to find that time in other places in my life.
The question is, in what places in my life can I afford to steal that time back for God? Where in my life would renegotiating my time draw me closer to God and best benefit others, and where in my life would it be a detriment to how he wants to operate through me? Where would it be time I am not using to draw closer to him but time I am stealing from others to feel better about myself? It’s hard to say, but the sooner I figure it out, the better it is for everyone.