I made it a priority to get one blog post done a week at the beginning of the year. Why am I having trouble with it? It’s not that I don’t have the time. I’m having trouble deciding what to write.
I want to write something incredibly wise or clever at the very least. I make the simple things complicated. What I fail to realize is that this blog isn’t supposed to be about me. It’s not supposed to be about the cleverness of my words or how wise I am. It’s not about being any kind of a leader or being recognized for my ideas. It’s supposed to be about seeking God and his heart. Nothing else.
Maybe I make it complicated or about me because I’m afraid of any backlash. Though I joke about being canceled, I prefer to avoid confrontation. There’s still fear in me of being condemned and attacked. I want to focus on the easy, non-confrontational platitudes that we all agree on. The ones that say we should be kind or not judge. I don’t want to stick my neck out there. I want to be liked. But is that why God put me on this earth? Did he put me on this earth to be popular?
God has things on His heart that the majority of us often ignore or rationalize away. I believe one of those things is abortion and the attitudes that surrounded it. I want to be a tool in his hands to help change those attitudes, but how am I going to do that if I’m afraid to talk about it? Am I just going to hope and pray for provision and pay somebody else to do it?
If I’m too afraid to stand up for a cause that I believe in, how can I ever be of any use to God? How can I ever do anything for God’s kingdom if I am unwilling to risk an attack?
I felt like this was what he spoke to me:
You can’t fear condemnation or desire praise. You must be willing to be attacked, to go against the grain. You can’t do this in a way that won’t be attacked, but take heart. MY spirit is with you.
Sometimes, we make it so complicated, thinking that something has to be clever or wise when it is actually very simple. At the same time, all I’m doing is avoiding what He wants me to write about. I’m not focused on Him. I’m focused on being this clever writer.